This Twitter Thread About One Guy’s Trip To Cabo Sounds Like A True Crime Documentary | Betches

There are certain wonders of the world that cannot be explained. Who built Stonehenge. Who was Jack The Ripper. Where is Cleopatra’s tomb. How is Twitter free. That last one I ask myself at least once a day, especially when I come across content that is too premium to not cost money. That happened last night when, during my usual Twitter scroll, I came across a thread from Andrew Kimmel detailing his recent trip to Mexico. After reading it, completely captivated, I immediately sent it to my friends, telling them it is the most interesting thing I’ve read on Twitter. I know that’s a bold claim, but I promise this thread will deliver.

The thread starts out like many disgruntled travel tweets, with Kimmel tweeting at American Airlines. “Ugh, here we go,” I said to myself. “Another angry rant at an airline because someone’s flight got delayed over circumstances beyond the airline’s control.” But that’s not what happened at all—instead of your run-of-the-mill “f*ck you American Airlines for canceling my flight due to severe blizzards” tweet, I got a full-on action movie.

Okay, so I am not on any kind of status on any airline (except maybe “don’t give this girl any wine” status), so I could relate to approximately zero percent of this tweet. But I’m guessing the gist is this (rich people, feel free to correct me in the comments): in order to be able to keep some perks, Kimmel would have to spend $275 more dollars on a flight, or $1,875 real dollars. That is some ridiculous math, but sounds about right for airlines. So Andrew says “f*ck it” and buys a trip to Mexico so he can keep that sweet, sweet status.

Things start out pretty good so far.

And then things go from “Instagram highlights” to First 48 Hours episode.

First of all, never go to a bar with a dead phone. Second of all, that beer had better be fermented with liquid cold and come with a side of Tyler Cameron if they’re going to charge $150 for ONE. (Yes, yes, I know it’s plain extortion, just go with me on the joke here.) Then, things get crazier.

I actually can’t wait for the Scam Goddess podcast to cover this con.

So then the next tweet is about how this guy from the UK is lamenting from Mexican jail about how his wife is going to kill him. It’s not super necessary to the plot, but it does add some character.

Then, Kimmel takes a nap while his cellmate’s wife posts his bail.

Obligatory “thanks, kind stranger!”

The Cabo tourism department (do they have one?) is probably sweating right now.

Losing my passport is one of my biggest nightmares, so I can only imagine how Kimmel feels.

So, my driver’s license expires in 2020, so I spent no less than a few hours during Christmas discussing with my family all the different types of IDs and what each one does. And isn’t the point of the Real ID so that you can go to Canada and Mexico without a passport? Or is that the enhanced one? F*ck, they make this sh*t way too complicated.

LOLLLLL what kind of insane episode of the Twilight Zone is this? I would have probably snapped and ended up back in a Mexican jail at this point.

Okay, wait what? When did this go from “friends” to you’re now kissing outside an airport before running to make your flight? I know that this is a Twitter thread, but a little foreshadowing that there was sexual tension here would have helped.

Alas, it was not meant to be. Kimmel made it home (but no word on whether he made it to his friend’s New Year’s party, since according to another tweet he landed in LA shortly after 1am).

So now I’ve got about a million questions. Did he and his Kenya crush exchange numbers? Will they see each other again?? And is he ever going back to Mexico? Just kidding about that last one. But I really can’t wait until Netflix options this movie as a suspense drama/rom-com with Noah Centineo starring as Kimmel. This was seriously better than half the thrillers I’ve read this year.

The other amazing/terrible part of this? American Airlines responded to Kimmel’s first tweet…. completely missing the mark.

Yikes, read the room. Some intern at American Airlines is definitely getting fired, and I bet legit bars and hotels all over Cabo are going to be falling over themselves to offer Kimmel and his jail crush some free drinks and a place to stay. Not a bad ending to an otherwise traumatic experience!

I feel like the moral of this story is, if you’re going to book a cheap flight just to maintain your mileage status, fly domestic. Oh, and don’t go to a place called Urban Bar in Cabo San Lucas (with a name like that, though, it seems kind of obvious the place is a scam).

Images: JESHOOTS.COM / Unsplash; andrewkimmel / Twitter

Read more: https://betches.com/this-twitter-thread-about-one-guys-24-hour-trip-to-cabo-sounds-like-a-movie/

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